How can you ever predict how wonderful a day could be. The effort, the drama, the plans the plotting, the contact with relatives, the primping and project planning. I felt genuinely drunk with Aroha.
And then you have it, and it’s over. Just like that. But during the process you share an intimate part of yourself with your very best friends and relatives. You make public promises, you sign things, you cry and you may even have your children make speeches (if you are old enough).
A wedding is so many things, and my only lowlight in the whole month of November was that I was so transfixed with the madness of it all, that Liz and I had no time to make further submissions on the Civil Union Bill.
Coincidentally it passed barely two weeks after our special day. Just as we were recovering from farewelling the last of our many overseas guests, cleaning up the house and rereading the wedding cards, this legislation making our relationship ‘legal’ from April (making us Civil Union Partners) if we choose to have a civil union, comes into play.
I must say it was hard answering the question ‘will you have a civil union?’ having just notched up several thousand dollars in debt and having spent the last 12 months furiously planning for our special day. It seemed anti-climactic and almost unfaithful to think rolling up to a registrar for a ‘Cupping’ would be any comparison to the specialness, the spiritualness of what we did on November 27. Because in our hearts and souls we married and that is that.
However, knowing that we now have the chance to make that legal is very important and when April rolls around next year we will be in line for a mini mini version of our celebration to make our union legal.
 As for the wedding day, everything went really smoothly. The weather was perfect, our makeup finally worked out, Jonnie came to do the hair while Tracy was doing the hair of our sisters, photographer and videographer were spectacular, 126 guests, Cadillac, Ross remembered the rings, the cake did not fall off its plinth, flowers were gorgeous, food fabulous, friends from afar were glorious and the music flowed.
A highlight was a surprise gift to Liz and I from our Kendo club. He arrived in a gorilla suit when we were having dinner the night before with relations. Ron Bennett is the President of the Australian Kendo Federation and a kind of Kendo dad to me, I have known him for 20 years. It was so great having him there. For Liz, a surprise visit from her sister left her speechless. Sharon arrived two weeks before and was able to be as close to a bridesmaid as one could be. She was a delight and helped bring the family side of Liz’s life to reality. About the biggest drama was the withdrawal at short notice by one of our MCs (for no great reason) and we had to ask another friend to fill in at short notice – Marty did real well partnered with Barbara.
Our ceremony included celtic, personal, Japanese and apache blessings. We re-blessed our first rings and exchanged our wedding rings. We were presented with a tree to nurture and petals were thrown in great abundance. The venue was great and we had way too much wine ordered so I am now well stocked for the summer.
 My dad gave the post wedding toast, Ross officially called me his ‘mum’! and Te Herekiekie, manifesting as Cheryl Moana Marie, gave a splendid performance of lip synching and tried her best not to outsparkle the brides. Uma and Parekotuku were MCs for the music and particularly entertaining and Liz’s workmates from Island Bay Medical Centre performed a wonderfully rearranged rendition of a Gilbert and Sullivan song.
No one fell off the balcony, my German friend Simona sent a 3 by 1.5m banner of celebration and my best friend Barbara ensured that I remained sober so that I could remember every moment.
It seemed like a dream. Cheers as we got out of the Cadillac, cheers as we walked down the aisle, copious crying from myself and the guests, flowers, sun, gifts, cards, sparkly and hugs. Nothing prepared me for becoming ‘bridezilla’ in the lead up to this wonderful day, and nothing prepared me for the results of deciding to honour our relationship publicly and with great ceremony.
Jenny was a sincere and honourable celebrant and the Pines a great venue. One of the most important people on our wedding day was Cookie, our Maidre D as we called him. He oversaw all pick ups of guests, cakes, ensured the tables were right and the decorations in place – he had little sleep and is just recovering from a cold he contracted from our overseas guests, deserves a medal. He organised the flowing rainbow flags, a beautifully created alter of white, red and yellow ‘fake’ flowers that added a special dimension and our name tags with frogs and cranes.
Liz and I chose to give each other a wedding gift and mine was a beautifully thought out painting of our past, our dreams and our vision. Mine to Liz was a special ‘Kendo doll’ effigy of Liz. A great surprise.
One of the unexpected outcomes of this day is the additional closeness we now feel to those who attended. It was as if we shared something so personal, they crept closer to us and having seen the many other special people in our lives now have a point of reference when we talk about ‘so and so.’ Many of our friends networked and have made friends with each other too. Our parents were honoured and honoured us.
I woke up the next day and said ‘can we do this again.’ If only one could afford to. So a heartfelt thanks to weddings.co.nz for the chance to share this diary with you all. I hope our experience can give other couples - gay or straight - who decide to share their love publicly, some courage and inspiration for their great big day!
By Sue Lytollis, 20 December 2004
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