 We met while on a student exchange in Russia 10 years ago; I had gone from NZ and he had gone from Brazil . We were living in the same city, going to the same school, and at first, had no language in common except for Metallica song lyrics! We became good friends over a few months, then one night - 19th March 1995 he kissed me and we became a couple. He actually proposed to me after 2 and a half months together, on the 27th of May 1995 in Alexander's Garden, up against the wall of the Moscow Kremlin.
Several years, lots of letters, faxes, emails, plane tickets back and forth, visa applications and thousands of dollars in phone bills later, we settled down and eventually, had a son - Samuel Joseph. I vowed that "Once I'm back to a size 12, we're getting married - one child out of wedlock is OK, but two is getting silly!" - that was January 2004, and once my pre-preggy jeans fitted again, things got moving.
Some things had already been planned from inception, others kind of just happened by accident :-) I am not a naturally patient person, and couldn't stand the idea of waiting over a year for things to happen... in about November 2004 I did the astral map (yes, really) for March 19th (our anniversary), decided it looked good, and we worked from there... so all in all our wedding planning took about 3-4 months.
We did the invitations ourselves; I got some lovely textured paper, hunted the net for graphics and did a major weekend printing session on our home computer. I used white embossed paper to make our service sheet for the actual day; on one side it had the service and thank-yous and the other the Lord's Prayer in English and Portuguese.
I had a few ideas for a wedding theme bandying about when we were doing the invitations, but Marlon suggested a double Koru, and it just seemed right. We used it on the invitation, the service sheet, and it was the only decoration (in white chocolate) on our 3 cakes.
My boss lent us his official car to arrive in! A late-model black Volvo kept in immaculate condition by my workmate, his driver. Ian kindly acted as our driver on the day, too.
The night before the wedding, my father took me aside and presented me with his great-grandmother's brooch, made of a stone she'd brought out from Scotland as a girl, and her husband had had mounted in silver. Apparently she'd never felt 'dressed' without it, and I was very touched.
Our wedding day was the WETTEST wedding I've ever been to! I have never seen so many people in tears! (Good ones, though) My Mother-In-Law traveled all the way from Brazil - to meet her grandson, and also to be at the wedding. She had mentioned that a new thing in Brazil is for the groom to walk in just before the bridal party... he loved this idea, and took as much care choosing his 'walking in' music as I did.
Our son Sammy (nearly 2) led the bridal party into the church (being carried by my sister), with the rings pinned to his tunic. My father walked me down the aisle (for which I am eternally grateful; I think I nearly cut off the blood supply to his hand. Apparently my two older sisters had done the same, so he was quite jovial about it).
My Father gave a reading in English, then my MIL gave a reading in Portuguese and made everyone cry some more. Sam was given free reign to run about willy-nilly, but for all the important bits he always came up the front; when the priest was giving us the blessing, Sammy ran up and stuck his head under our hands. Though at one point in the ceremony when we were facing the priest he ran up and smacked us both on the bum!
I had Marlon's ring engraved with ILYANE, and the date; this is short for "I Love You and Nobody Else" - a line from a Four Tops song (that we walked out to) that we used to write on the envelopes we posted to each other when we were in different countries.
Afterwards we had an afternoon barbecue at my parents' house, where I grew up... so everyone was relaxed and could take their shoes off (though I was the only one that did this), and have a good time. No organised seating, no protocol nightmare; just a fun party with close friends and family. Perfect.
I wore BLOOD RED. :-) I had made the calico mock-up myself, but my Mum was eager to help, so I graciously let her (thank God!) and she did a fantastic job... though I drove her to the point of desperation by unintentionally losing about 5 kilos in the fortnight before the wedding. It was a red satin-crepe (rough-side out) corset-like bodice with a fitted skirt and longish fishtail... no puffball in sight. It had gold beading on the hem of the skirt and hem of the bodice and some red and gold beading up the front panel of the bodice. Not too ostentatious, but nice and sparkly, and very ME :-)
My bridesmaid Em and I had trawled the shops for ages with no joy, but we found some great fabric that was really 'her' - a pinkish purple satin - and we chose a pattern. I made her dress myself (bias-cut, cowl-neck, shoestring straps and small fishtail) and beaded the straps and made some beaded daisy-like flowers for the left side of the bodice.
Sammy wore some sky-blue linen trousers and a tunic-style top in white linen (both made by me and MIL). Since neither Marlon nor I were dressed 'traditionally', we thought it wouldn't be fair on Sam to stick him in a formal suit, and as it was he looked great.
For me, in retrospect, the most romantic moment of our day was finding out that Marlon had written his vows (shakily, on lined refill), about 15 minutes before I got to the church... but they were beautiful, and as he can be quite shy about publicly showing his deeper feelings, I was touched that he said them so clearly, and without being even a little bit shaken. (I, on the other hand, am usually quite extroverted and was weeping so much when I said my bit that I was pretty much whispering!)
I decided to follow the wedding traditions:
Old: My g.g.g. grandmother's brooch and the necklace Marlon had given me for our 1st anniversary 9 years previous
New: My earrings and the dress!
Borrowed: Mother-in-law lent me a small heart-shaped earring to wear in the second hole in my right ear.
Blue: Knickers! And a several-strand anklet I'd made from blue and yellow beads (Brazilians have an 'Old, New, Borrowed, Yellow' tradition).
Marlon also honoured his traditions by wearing white - despite an idiotic sales girl in Wellington saying "you shouldn't wear WHITE to a wedding!" - He looked very Brazilian, as white is traditionally worn to attract good luck (especially at their New Year celebrations). We tried to incorporate both languages wherever possible, and the music playing while we signed the register was Brazilian also. To honour the NZ side of things, we used the Koru, symbolising eternal growth and renewal.
Best decision we made: Not letting ourselves fall victim to convention. Every so often I'd catch myself freaking out, and said to myself "If it's not going to matter two weeks later, it's not worth worrying about!"
Worst decision we made: Leaving guest list etc too late; still feel awful for some glaring omissions that we had really wanted to invite but somehow forgot. (Kicking self still)
We had a short honeymoon at a small B&B in Carterton and had hoped to get away further afield in the next year or two, as we'd both love to go way up north, however, found out we had a secret gatecrasher at the wedding: discovered I was pregnant again a week after the ceremony! That honeymoon is going to have to wait a bit.
And their thoughts on marriage: I don't think marriage really changed us, because we kind of 'felt' married before... we've known and loved each other for nearly half our lives. I DO admit that it's still quite thrilling to have a new name (v. exotic into the bargain), though this creates many hassles with banks, IRD, all forms of ID etc. Our advice? Communication is paramount in any relationship I think. Though fights are inevitable, there is always a resolution... and you should never pass up the opportunity to say "I'm a bit pissy now, but I still love you, and that's not going to change."
All photos taken by my fabulous workmate, Marcelo Duque Cesar
|
