Congratulations !!!
You and your partner have decided to get married. It's a wonderful decision and your wedding day should be an occasion you will remember for the rest of your life. With a little planning, you will remember it as a day filled with joy, love and laughter BUT you will also want to remember a wedding ceremony which was yours, that reflected your own values, feelings and beliefs and not someone else's.
Sounds simple doesn't it? Think about it for a moment. You're going to have friends and family come and see you marry the love of your life and the most important part is that few minutes when everything goes quiet, you look into each others eyes and declare your love for each other in front of them all. You hold hands and make those vows - maybe there's a little moistness around the eye - and you hear the celebrant declare that you are husband and wife and ... you're married.
The chances are that your celebrant had quite an influence on what you said and did during the ceremony. If you felt completely uninformed about what your options were before you talked to a celebrant, be that a civil celebrant or a religious one, you're in the company of hundreds of other couples facing the dilemma of Getting It Right On The Day!! Different couples have different and sometimes definite ideas about what they want on their wedding day, but some have no views at all and may know what they don't want rather than what they do.
Marriage is a huge step for anyone. It's the joining together, physically and emotionally of two individuals who have different backgrounds and histories, but whose desire to spend the rest of their lives in each other's company means it's time to take the next big step. So, you agree on a date, you agree on a place, you agree on a time and then you agree on a celebrant. If you have a religion you'll obviously get married in a church or temple or maybe a stone circle, but the chances are high you'll be looking for a civil celebrant.
There are only two elements essential to a legally binding wedding - the vows or promises you make to one another and the proclamation by the celebrant that you are now legally married. All the other elements are optional. You are only limited by your imagination and that of your celebrant!!!
Creating the "right" wedding ceremony is a time-consuming undertaking. It needs careful planning and energy and it's going to need the 'C Factor' - a celebrant that you feel comfortable and confident with who can guide you through the maze of options available. You'll find them everywhere - the Yellow Pages are full of them. You can ask friends and family and workmates, but before you start calling, sit down with your partner and make a few notes about the kind of ceremony you want. Think of other weddings you've been to and think about what you liked or didn't like about them. How would you have done it? Borrow a book or two from the library and get some ideas. This homework will help you because you're going to be asking your prospective celebrants about themselves and you're going to listen carefully to what they say and how they say it. Their replies should give you some idea of their suitability. Think about your requirements ... for instance, if you want a low key, romantic, softly lit service, then a strident or loud speaking voice is probably not for you. But if your service is to be held on a windswept hill, then this person could be ideal, because their voice will carry well!
Don't be afraid to shop around, maybe pick two or three celebrants and meet them informally. Don't forget that their personality will have an effect on the ceremony and the atmosphere. If you don't feel you have any rapport, then it will be much harder to develop the ceremony you want.
There are very few items or services you would purchase or engage sight unseen, even in this e-age, so you have a right to ask your prospective celebrants to spend some time explaining their style and approach and, finally, costs. There are a number of pricing arrangements, so make sure you understand what you are up for.
Don't despair if you can't find the perfect match. Maybe you have a friend whom you would like to conduct the ceremony, who could do the whole thing apart from the legal parts. The celebrant doesn't have participate in any of the service itself, except for the proclamation that you are married, and the witnessing of your signature on the Marriage Register. He or she can stand discreetly off to one side, witnessing your vows and promises, then step forward at the appropriate moment to pronounce you husband and wife. This is perfectly acceptable legally, although some celebrants may not be keen to give up centre stage. The celebrant may be able to prepare an entire ceremony for you where the celebrant's role is quite minor but why not make the most of the celebrant's experience? Don't be afraid to ask, and remember the celebrant is working for you.
In summary then, you and your partner should:
- decide what kind of a wedding ceremony you want - traditional, fun, serious, informal or formal
- decide what kind of atmosphere you want
- shop around for a celebrant who you feel comfortable with and doesn't try to impose his or her tastes on you
- be prepared to invest a little time planning what you want to say in your ceremony to each other and to your guests and what degree of participation you want from your celebrant.
And most importantly ... relax and enjoy your most special day!!!!!
Jocelyn Fausett is a registered Marriage Celebrant, based in Auckland.
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