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MrsDarcy
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Is this normal bridesmaid behaviour?
Dec 11th, 2013, 11:25pm
 
I have asked an old friend to be a bridesmaid at my wedding. She was so excited for us originally,  but now I feel as though she's bitter or dare I say it, jealous.

I took her dress shopping and she found a flaw in every dress I tried. I showed her the BM dresses I was getting and she put down the colour and style before saying 'it's your wedding,  do what you want! ' She openly admitted she won't wear the BM shoes (that I paid for) after the wedding.

I organised a casual BM gathering but had to cancel it the day of since most couldn't make it and she called me up and let me know how disorganized,  ungrateful and thoughtless I am.

I have been gritting my teeth until I told my BMs I'd booked a house for us all to stay in the night before the wedding,  and she said she couldn't stay because she has exams around then to study for... but its still 6 months away?  

I'm desperately trying not to be a bridezilla but I feel like my wedding is totally inconveniencing this BMs life? I just don't know how to deal with all her negativity and im starting to question our friendship,  which is awful Sad

Has anyone else had BM drama?
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sunny4eva
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Re: Is this normal bridesmaid behaviour?
Reply #1 - Dec 12th, 2013, 9:02am
 
Are you deadset on having her as your BM?  
Could you possibly lay down your feelings and put your heat on the line?

I'm getting married, I want to share this day with you, being a BM is a privilage, if you are not going to give me your full commitment to the job, then maybe you could just become a guest?  I don't want to make you uncomfortable or put extra pressure on you.

It's your day, having a spoilt ungrateful BM is not part of the deal IMO.

I have stopped telling one friend my ideas and excitement because she just bought me down off the clouds way too often.  

You're getting married! It's a special day in your life.  Don't let anyone make you feel rubbish for it.
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Sam Browne
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Re: Is this normal bridesmaid behaviour?
Reply #2 - Dec 12th, 2013, 4:18pm
 
Yikes!  Definitely sounds like some envy to me.  Maybe a face to face conversation over a wine to talk it through and let her know how her behaviour is hurting you and detracting from what should be a really happy, exciting time will set her straight?
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Cdog
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Re: Is this normal bridesmaid behaviour?
Reply #3 - Dec 12th, 2013, 6:08pm
 
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« Last Edit: Mar 29th, 2014, 9:32am by Cdog »  
 
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Mrs REMK
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Re: Is this normal bridesmaid behaviour?
Reply #4 - Dec 15th, 2013, 5:31pm
 
Mmmmm perhaps you should just have a good chat with her. It's sad she's making you feel so down, but perhaps she'd be mortified to know you think she isn't into it, when she just feels really comfortable with you since you are so close - that she can say things.
An honest best friend will tell you that they won't wear shoes again perhaps to spare you paying lots for them?
I'm in a bridal party in Feb and one of the BMs isn't coming to the Hens, hair trial or staying the night before because of exam study (I know that if it was anyone else then this BM wouldn't even be going to the wedding - her exams are the most important of her life and her career rides on them) - and being honest about  these things long in advance avoids you being let down on the day.

BUT there could also be another side and she could just be being thoughtless. Have a chat.
xxx
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Mrs_B
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Re: Is this normal bridesmaid behaviour?
Reply #5 - Dec 26th, 2013, 5:44pm
 
she might just not be that into weddings.. I asked my best friend of over 10 years to be my bridesmaid and she was possibly the worst bridesmaid ever, never came dress shopping or to any dress fittings. she basically didnt do anything wedding related except plan the hens night.

But to this day she is still my best friend and its just that she just isnt that into weddings. At the time tho i was a bit upset she didnt want to be involved - and if you look back i think i ranted on this site a bit (Tongue) but hey it all worked out for the best. She planned an awesome hens night and was there to support me on the day.
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Casper
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Re: Is this normal bridesmaid behaviour?
Reply #6 - Mar 21st, 2014, 1:44pm
 
The same thing happened to me and isn't not uncommon.  My bridesmaid/ maid of honor  was one of my best friends and I thought she was going to help me and we could both enjoy the day.  My first marriage was so stressful with very little family attending the wedding due to family problems and I thought that this wedding was going to be different as  my ex mother in law and other family were included . I am considered really loyal,kind and a really good friend (and that's from friends for 40 years plus) so I wasn't a young bride but she really made my day hell!!!!. I can't tell you how bad she was from early on with me paying for a dress she wanted (her choice) and then I had to buy the bra to match + all other things as she didn't have any money but had enough to have her lips injected to plump them up.  She made everything about her and caused so much stress.  On the day of the wedding she informed my new mother-in-law that this wedding wasn't going to last and kept asking when was the photos going to be finished as she wanted to get back inside and start drinking.  
Remember this is actually YOUR day - the one day when you should be be the one who is important.  You can never get this day back again and it's supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life.  I haven't spoken with her since and I still can't get over how she acted some 5 years later so if you have any doubts regarding your choice of bridesmaid it's never too late to say don't come - I wish I had.
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itstheone
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Re: Is this normal bridesmaid behaviour?
Reply #7 - May 14th, 2015, 1:18am
 
Just be direct and honest, don't raise your voice (then you will be bridezilla). And explain why it's important to you and how she's hurt your feelings.
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