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The Proposal

Darren proposed on 30 December 2005 on Kicking Horse Ski Resort in British Colombia, Canada.

We were snowboarding when Darren fell over and decided – since he already was on his knees – that now was the right time. I don’t remember a word he said, but when he asked, I must have seemed hesitant – not because I had doubts, but because I was overwhelmed – and mumbled: “Why? Do you now what you are getting yourself into?”, only to quickly add: “I would be delighted”. And delighted I was!

We celebrated our engagement in style at the Banff Springs Hotel (remember Jack Nicholson in “The Shining”?) with pre-dinner cocktails and champagne.

My engagement “ring” – since I am not a ring person and my background is art - was an amazing painting by a NZ artist that I had liked for years. That was very special and a lot more meaningful to me than any diamond.

The Planning

Darren and I set the date for 31 March 2007. We did the planning together, but I have to admit that Darren is – or better was - a most wonderful fiancé. He was a groomzilla - but a nice one - and probably organized most of the wedding. How great is that?

We decided to have both our wedding ceremony and reception at the Regent Theatre in Palmerston North – on stage. This meant, we had to organize everything ourselves, i.e. from music and drinks to a kitchen and bar set-up, down to every single piece of cutlery. It was quite involved.

I guess we started the planning by doing the usual things, i.e. buy magazines, search the web, read books to gather ideas and cut out things we liked and put together a folder. We created many lists and spreadsheets over the months leading up to the wedding. There was a lot of work to do and towards the end there were quite a few very late nights.

Wedding Theme

Although the wedding took place at a theatre, we did not have a theme as such. Instead, our wedding involved a good portion of personality and we wanted it to be quite elegant and different. It was important for us to embrace and incorporate our three cultures and languages – Darren is half Māori and I am German – into the wedding, from invitations through to the vows and food. We wanted to create a day that was not only special for us, but for everyone attending.

The colours we chose were around nature - green and silver, which we used throughout the decorations, table settings, flowers and attire.

Invitations & who came

We organized “save-the date” magnets made up out of two photos when Darren and I were toddlers. They looked really good and everyone loved them. Besides, every time we went around to someone’s home or office, we saw our magnet stuck on the fridge or wall. Nice!

Our invites were bilingual and our own creation. They took forever to make, but looked stunning. Of course, everything went wrong – the printer did not like our fancy paper and the formatting was all out. In the end we had to trick the copier and measure and cut every single invite individually – three layered invites – 200 in total to over 320 people, many of them family and friends in such places as Mozambique, Denmark, Italy, Greece, Holland, Australia and of course Germany and New Zealand. The invites looked stunning and set the tone for our wedding.

Around 160 people traveled to celebrate with us. We hosted family and friends from all over New Zealand and several guests from Australia . Almost my entire family came over from Germany – apart from my 99-year-old Granddad. It blew me away. Even more so when I found out that Darren had arranged for my brother and sister-in-law – who live and work in Mozambique - to attend the wedding as well. It meant that for the first time in years, our entire family was together again. We were all very emotional and especially missed my Mum, who sadly passed away a few years ago. I am sure though that she was with us then.

The Polternight

We had a traditional German Polternight leading up to the wedding. This is a party thrown by the bride and groom to be. Anyone can attend and the couple provides food and drinks. The most important part is that guests bring plates and cups – anything made out of china or ceramic – to smash in front of the house. This is for good luck. The ‘lucky’ couple then has to sweep up all the shards. The guests had a lot of fun watching and joining in this unusual event which was different to anything the Kiwis had ever seen at a wedding before. We enjoyed German beer from the keg and traditional German food and snacks to go with it.

The Day & Weather

When I woke up – after finally going to sleep at 2:30am – it was raining. Darren’s auntie rang to tell me that rain means good luck. That was really nice. We actually did not worry too much about the weather - after all, we were having an indoor wedding. We only worried about the next day, when we were planning to have a Hangi for the guests.

But as it turned out, the weather was really good. The rain stopped and the sun came out – not too much, but just perfect for the photos.

The Ceremony, Reception & Entertainment

The day before the wedding had been a little bit tense; I was also worried about my speech. But, you just have to let go. There is nothing you can do about it anymore. So when I woke up, I said to myself that we are going to have a fantastic day! And we sure did.

The ceremony was simply amazing and also a lot of fun from the moment we arrived at the theatre and got out of the enormous brand new Chrysler 300C Limousine we had hired for the day.

We both gave the ceremony a lot of thought and consideration, which made it even more special. We chose music that was special to us (and included a CD with ‘our’ music with our Thank-you cards) and was the result of a lot of consideration and work, especially from Darren. We organized a young, local Jazz Band to entertain guests in the Foyer before and after the ceremony. They even composed a beautiful song especially for us!

We compiled a number of songs that are meaningful to us as preludes. They were played from when the guests entered the auditorium until the bride arrived.

It had to be the traditional ‘Bridal Chorus’ from Wagner for the bridal party entrance. When else can you play this song and create a certain mood within an instant? The hardest part was finding a version that we actually liked. It is quite amazing how many different versions of this piece of music are available.

My Dad walked me down the aisle. This was of course very special to me, because – firstly – I was so happy that he could be there coming all the way from Germany, and – secondly – that he was fit enough to walk me down the aisle due to a few health issues regarding his mobility.

During the signing of the register we played Lou Reed & Friends “Perfect Day” and had a slideshow with it. The slideshow showed photos from when we were young until now, covering quite a few moments we spent together as a couple. We also included photos from the wedding day, especially photos that were taken of friends and family at the theatre on the day. After all, the lyrics of the song state…”I’m glad I spend [this perfect day] with you”. It was very difficult to organize the slideshow and incorporate photos from the day, but it did work out and people loved it.

We used The Beatles “All you need is love” and The Smashing Pumpkins “Today” as recessional songs.

After the ceremony, Champagne and Canapés were served in the Foyer and we were able to share the good buzz with our guests. Luckily we had our photos taken beforehand, so it was possible for us to be with our guests to celebrate the moment. The Jazz band provided the perfect background music for this.

The reception and entertainment part kicked off with The Cranberries “Dreams”. All guests were seated while Darren and I walked together down the aisle, onto the stage, through all the tables and to our seats. All 160 guests just stood up, clapped their hands and cheered us on. It was quite mind-blowing.

We had treated ourselves to a couple of Royal Doulton Champagne flutes for the wedding day. It was kind of nice to drink out of those special glasses during the whole night and even better, it was easy to find them back amongst all the other glasses during mixing, mingling and dancing all night long.

We had six speeches altogether during the lovely dinner. Each speech was followed by a song as with Māori tradition. I was really amazed how well my German family performed three songs, since I only knew of one. After my speech, Darren’s parents got up and sang me a song, which was very touching. When Darren spoke, his family performed a Haka for him. It was stunning and extremely honoring. I felt very honored for our guests, especially my German family to have experienced it at our wedding as it was the first time for them.

The entertainment part for the night was “The Beatgirls”. They were great and everyone was dancing the night away.

In short, we had an awesome night!

The vows

Darren and I used the traditional vows. Although quite simple, to us they are very meaningful and representative of a wedding. We did however weave our different cultures into the vows and ceremony. The celebrant – who went the extra mile to incorporate all three languages into his part as well – introduced our vows in English, Darren said his in Māori and I spoke mine in German. The exchange of rings for us formed an embracing and taking on of our individual cultures. Darren spoke the words in German while putting the ring on my finger, and I used Māori words while giving the ring to him. It was very special.

Darren’s Great-Uncle Wiremu – the eldest of his family - spoke at the ceremony. Without our knowledge, even he had incorporated the three different languages into his speech and officially welcomed my family as part of his. It was truly touching.

Table settings

We set the tables ourselves the day before the wedding. The whole family helped and it had a special personal touch.

We had bought green organza fabric that we used as another layer on top of the tablecloths and tied as ribbons around the chair covers. The menu was again written in English and German and done from the same stationary we used for the invitations. We decided three menus per table would be enough and it looked rather stunning.

For table place holders, we did not simply want numbers but something that was a bit different and meaningful to us. Since Darren is an architect and I am an art historian, we decided to use famous buildings and artworks such as Leonardo da Vinci’s ‘Mona Lisa’, the pyramids of Giza , Edvard Munch’s ‘The Scream’ or the Eiffel Tower . It looked really cool and the guests enjoyed going on a search for their table.

We also had disposable cameras on each table, which was also a great way for our guests to interact. As wedding favours, we used a small bar of chocolate with our names and date printed on it, as well as a thank you note to the guests.

We chose white lilies with black Calla lilies for the table stands. I love them and besides, my name translated means ‘lily’. The flowers looked beautiful and we were both really pleased with the outcome. They were magnificent and complemented the setting perfectly.

First Dance

Our wedding dance was quite special too. We did not simply want a usual waltz where we would end up just shuffling from one side to the other. We both like dancing, but have never done much in terms of ballroom dancing. However, we decided that the dance had to be something different. We chose Bobby Darin’s “Mack the Knife” and had advice from Dean McKerras School of Dance on the choreography. The dance ended up with many different and refreshing elements from Salsa, to Charlston as well as incorporating some Waltz and in the end Darren throwing me into the air. It was a lot of fun.

The song “Mack the Knife” was meaningful to us in many ways: 1. We like it, 2. Darren is named after the singer, 3. It has a German background (from the “Threepenny opera” which was adapted by dramatist Bertolt Brecht and composed by Kurt Weill). We never had enough time to practice, but somehow on the day it just flowed. When we danced, the guests got quite hysteric and afterwards said that we need to sign up for “Dancing with the Stars”.

The Dresses

I wore a strapless, off-white satin gown by Auckland Designer Kate Dowman. The dress was quite simple yet elegant. It had a low hipline bodice featuring an art deco belt with ties, which gave it a contemporary edge. The A-line sheath skirt flared at the back into a puddle train which could be hooked up into the back for the entertainment part of the night.

I am not very fond of veils and instead decided again to keep it simple yet elegant. My hair was tied into a low bun and a single off-white flower complemented it. The bouquets were simply made up of white lilies.

The bridesmaids wore a long black skirt with a small train at the back. The top was lace and had lines of sequences throughout. It was a style that suited all three attendants who were all very different from each other.

Dramas

There were a few little things really, but nothing major.

One was, e.g., when we were getting dressed and my attendants were tying the belt on my dress and one noticed a bloodstain the size of a $ 2,- coin. The stain was on the rear main focal point of my dress. Jeeeez, how did that happen, especially since nobody was bleeding? It turned out, it was a Make-up stain and easily removable. Phew!

Also, our flowers almost did not arrive because of a mix-up with other flowers that were sent and a misunderstanding. But, of course it all worked out well in the end.

There is always something happening, but on the day it actually does not matter. The key is to relax and enjoy the day!

Things We Would Have Changed

Nothing - everything was perfect.

The Honeymoon

Ah well, instead of a romantic honeymoon for two - which of course we would have liked - we had a “honeymoon with whanau”. My entire German family of ten went on a tour around NZ with us. Darren and I tried to just regard it as an extended wedding celebration, i.e. instead of celebrating a wedding for just one day, our celebration lasted two weeks. It actually worked and the holiday was really fabulous! We had a very special time together. The weather was really amazing too and it was just nice relaxing together and having fun. All of my family want to come back again; some even want to move to NZ now.

However, Darren and I made sure that at least we had a romantic weekend away a month after the wedding. Later in the year we would like to go on a “real honeymoon”, just the two of us. How about Fiji ?

What We Were Most Happy With

Everything! Honestly, we had a ball and a truly amazing time.

We were really pleased with the ceremony and that all our guests embraced the celebration of the three cultures as well and thought it was amazing. All speeches were really lovely. The dance was rather special. The venue was great and the setting and lighting was stunning. Little details such as the special Royal Doulton Champagne flutes we drank out all day, the Māori bread that Darren’s aunties baked, the German Schnapps my family homebrewed and brought over with them – all those things made the day even more special. But of course the best thing was being able to celebrate and cherish this occasion with the people you love. I am sure we will treasure the memory of our wedding forever.

Some Thoughts Of Advice For Future Brides And Grooms

Ensure that you enjoy every minute of the day. The day is just so short and goes by so quickly, and you really want to make sure you enjoy every little bit of it.

Having our photos taken before we were married - was the BEST thing we could have done! We decided to do so simply because we did not want our guests to have to wait too long between ceremony and reception. Looking back, it was a really good decision for many reasons. We were more relaxed and besides, the Make-up and clothes still looked neat. What I thought was especially great was that after the ceremony we were able to be with the guests, celebrate and share the good buzz and vibes. That was great!